Adventures of Dino Riki

Developer: Hudson Soft
Year: 1987

The Adventures of Dino Riki is brutal. Like, not good brutal. Like, holy crap, how am I supposed to not die here brutal. I mean, we played this game for like 20 minutes, and managed to fit about 40 games into that period. Holy crap.

So, Dino Riki is an overhead shooter, like Commando. The controls are fine, but it really goes from 0 to 5 million in about the first 15 seconds. There are powerups all over the place, but they really don't help that much, and there are hundreds of enemies, and they all move at the speed of light and a lot of them are indestructible. So if you like games that you can't possibly win and that actually aren't much fun, maybe you should try Dino Riki. But maybe not. Who cares?

The crappest thing about Dino Riki is that the things you pick up to get boosts block your bullets. So on the one hand, you want to shoot them to get the boost, but on the other, you know that they're essentially then going to serve as shields behind which your enemies can hide just before they move at some super hyper speed to kill you with their shittiness.

In closing, I mean, there's a certain type of person who'll really like Dino Riki, and this is the kind of person who learns to play Buckethead at incredibly stupid speed on Guitar Hero, and I hate them. I hate them, and I hate Dino Riki.

Rating: 1/10 If you can't play a game for more than 20 seconds, that game sucks. Best Moment: When it starts raining really fast orange invincible crap. Advice: Play it once, imagine playing the exact same 40 second game 20 times, and get back to playing something decent.